The Many Misadventures of the Player Character
by flipysrevenge96
Summary: A bunch of one-shots poking fun at the various cliches and inside jokes in the Fallout world. Inspired by the Fallout meme and Flopsie's "Fallout 3 Novelization" story.


**A/N: I decided I'm going to do a story full of Fallout oneshots that make fun of the many Fallout clichés (like your teammates openly attacking a deathclaw while you're trying to sneak by it, or the fact that players resort to drinking toilet water on hardcore mode). These oneshots will take place in both Fallout 3 and Fallout: New Vegas. I might even try to add one or two from Fallout 2. These oneshots can range from being **_**very**_** short, to about a page long. Most of these oneshots were inspired by the Fallout Vault-Boy meme. There are also hints of influence from the parody story, "**_**Fallout 3 Novelization"**_** by Flopsie. (look it up). So without further ado…**

The Lone Wanderer had travelled for only five minutes through the barren, desolate wasteland that was once known as Washington D.C. His feet were already aching. Though to be fair, he was running through a huge vault for about a half hour.

"Ok", the Lone Wanderer said. "If I'm going to get anything out of being in the wasteland, I've gotta be a paragon of virtue. I cannot get on anyone's nerves if I am going to get any help in finding Liam Nee- I mean my father. Who is Liam Neeson."

The Wanderer continued to walk around aimlessly until he eventually stumbled upon what looked like an oversized mixing bowl with a door made out of scrap metal. The Wanderer checked his Pip-Boy 3000, then loaded the map screen.

He muttered to himself, "Hmm… Let's see… Vault 101 was here, and It says that I'm currently here… So, I must be in Megaton!"

The Pip-Boy began to glow and displayed a message that said, "**No shit. It's amazing that your intelligence is above 4.**" The Lone Wanderer opened the door and walked inside.

After being bombarded with questions by a cowboy, he noticed a giant nuke in the middle of the town.

"Umm...", he mumbled, gesturing towards the atom bomb. "Should I be worried about that thing? I mean, you said it was still active. And it's in the middle of the town."  
>The sheriff, Lucas Simms, sighed while taking a hit from his cigarette. "Y'know, I never really thought of that. Someone probably <em>should<em> disarm it just to be sure…"

The Wanderer quickly checked his Pip-Boy so he could make a check on how good he is at handing explosives. Excellent. It was 27%. He looked back towards the sheriff.

"I'll do it", he piped up.

A twinkle shone in Simm's eyes as he gave the 19-year-old vault dweller a big smile.

"Boy, if you do, I will give you a shack to live in."

The boy was puzzled. A shack? That's my reward? Hmm… Maybe the real reward is the satisfactory of a job well done. Or something.

"I'd be glad to, sheriff."

The Lone Wanderer walked over to the bomb, noticing that as he stepped into the water surrounding the bomb, his rads increased. He unscrewed the timer, tinkered with it a bit, and then _voila!_ Megaton's megaton was disarmed successfully. He accepted the keys to his house and asked if there were any stores around here. Simms pointed north of their current position.

"Moira Brown resides north of here. She sells random shit every day." Simms took a puff from his cigarette.

"lol kthnxbye." The Wanderer said, running towards the store. "God, I hope this Moira is hot."

He walked in, expecting to see a hot woman in her early twenties, but found some lady that looked bat-fuck insane and was in her early 30's.

**Five minutes of agonizing conversation later…**

"God dammit", the Lone Wanderer breathed under his breath upon leaving the store. "That woman is _soo_ freakin' annoying!"

To calm down from his encounter with Moira, he went to Moriarty's saloon and made small talk with the ghoul barkeep, Gob. It was going swell until a mysterious man approached him with a trench coat and bottle cap glasses. What was with the getup? Was the man a pervert? The man spoke up.

"They call me Mister Burke. I intend on blowing up this town with the atom bomb. I need your help."  
>The Wanderer set down his drink. "Why?"<p>

Burke smiled. "Because you're new to this town, ain't ya? The people won't suspect a thing."

The Wanderer stared at him intently. "No, I mean, why do you wanna nuke Megaton?"

Burke shrugged. "I'm just in it for the lulz Tell ya what, if you nuke Megaton, I'll give you a swank-ass suite in a five-star hotel. Plus, you can be rid of Ms. Brown…"

The Lone Wanderer stared at him with widened eyes.

**Game Loaded.**

The Lone Wanderer walked back into the bar, having just reloaded his file to a point before disarming the bomb. He approached Mr. Burke.

"I hear you want someone to nuke Megaton. I'm your man."

Burke smiled. "Good, Here is the fusion pulse charges. Attach them to the bomb."  
>The Lone Wanderer walked out. "mk."<p>

After setting the fusion pulse charges, the Wanderer travelled far to the south with Burke.

"Umm… Mr. Burke?" he piped. "Why do you think that a hotel only a few miles away will protect us from a friggin' _nuke_?"  
>Burke shrugged again. "Idk, this whole thing is just a video game being played by some husky 15-year-old in his basement."<br>The Lone Wanderer thought for a second. "Oh."  
>Once they got to the top floor, after being introduced to Alistair Tenpenny, the hotel's owner, they gave the Lone Wanderer the honor of pushing the detonation button.<p>

"Ooh, sweet! A button!"

He pressed the button, and he then witnessed the most amazing thing ever created—a mushroom cloud explosion.

**A save, a fast travel, and some walking later…**

The Lone Wanderer stumbled upon the ruins of the once-great town. He couldn't help but feel bad for everyone (except Moira). He walked around the ruins, searching for her irradiated corpse, and careful not to get too many rads. After walking around for a while, he shot his fist up into the air, and yelled, "SUCK IT, MOIRA BROWN!"

He heard a raspy cough, and a voice just as raspy say, "suck what?"  
>He whipped his head around, and there, in the flesh, was a now-ghoulified Moira Brown.<br>His eye twitched. "OMFGWTFLOLBBQ?"

**5 more minutes of agonizing conversation later…**

The Lone Wanderer slumped over at the foot of the ruins. "This _can't_ get much worse…" He muttered. Suddenly, a message box popped up on his Pip-Boy. It said, _"-1000 Karma for nuking Megaton. You merciless bastard."_

The Lone Wanderer's eye twitched again. "FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU—"


End file.
